(Part 5: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-v.html)
Clouds formed over their rough words which reached out to grasp at the other's neck. Their eyes flashed with fury at a conversation unheard by my ears. I ducked around the curtains, but continued to watch the contention outside the window. Questions began to illustrate themselves across my thoughts, but I knew not to ask them out loud. A final phrase looked as if it echoed against the sky from Troy's mouth as my mother's car drove down the road.
To seal the secret I rushed through the hallways and leapt on the white couch faking the heavy lids of sleep. Seconds later I heard the door open and close quietly followed by his footsteps crossing the wood floor. His fingers played with the hem of my silk robe. I opened my eyes slowly to mirror the weariness of sleep and see his figure leaning over me. "Hello." I smiled up at him.
"Run away with me."
My mouth opened and closed without a clear phrase to utter in response.
He rested his head on my side and no longer kept contact with my eyes. "Never mind."
"When?"
His eyes met with mine again.
"Where?"
He smiled. "Away from here into the sunrise, wherever I go, wherever we want."
He grabbed me into his arms and walked me up the stairs as he babbled about a utopia we would live in. "I'm going to build our house with my own hands along the ridges on the coast and we'll have parties with the neighbors and listen to loud music and dive from the cliffs into the foamy waves of the sea."
He set me down on the bed and went through my closet holding up pieces for me to shake yes or no to. The sound of colliding hangers fell in harmony with Troy's continuing voice. "And we'll have a huge backyard with trees and every morning we'll wake up to the sound of birds singing and the windows will always be open so we can smell the salk of the ocean and the night sky will reveal hidden stars to our vision."
He pulled me onto my feet, then handed me a worn pair of jeans to put on. Then he untied my robe and started to slide the fabric off my shoulders, kissing each bone on my spine and speaking between each kiss. "I'll wake up every morning with you right beside me and I will always be with you wherever we go and I'll keep you in my arms when you feel like being yourself isn't enough."
When the robe fell to the floor, Troy was on his knees, cheek pressed to the skin of my back. I felt my blood pumping hard under his touch, but my naked skin began to raise little bumps when the AC began to blow against soaked hair. "Troy," I whispered.
"Oh yeah." He grabbed the floral blouse off the bed and slipped it over hands and head.
Upstairs Troy was folding my clothes to put into a suitcase. From behind the hidden flap, I retieved the bottle and sat contemplating how to bring it along with me. The house's creaks and hums orchestraed the silence until inspiration led me to my mother's bathroom. They fit perfectly into four circular tins.
May 6, 2012
May 5, 2012
A Dream (V)
(Part 4: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-iv.html)
He hesitated, "At first you were only a figure running away from me into a dark fog. You were the happiest person alive. You were getting farther and farther away, so I ran after you. I felt like without that person I could never be happy again. But after I would get close, in the moment I blinked, you would disappear and appear off in the distance. Then after what seemed like hours, I saw you fall and crumble to the ground, but you didn't utter a single groan or scream. At your side was the first time I saw your face; the rest of your body was distorted with limbs at odd angles."
He took a deep breath before starting again. "When I took you in my arms, I noticed that the emotion on your face was peaceful without a single ounce of pain. I began to yell for help in small hope that there was someone with us in that strange darkness. Nobody answered. Then I felt you getting cold in my arms. The flush in your cheeks slowly faded. And I woke up.
Now here you are, in my arms again, but this time alive and well."
"Wow." An ironic laugh escaped my mouth. "My death."
"But I'll never let that happen."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I guess I can't. But I can be sure that without you, my chances at happiness would be slim to none.
Like it was before."
"I'm glad you found me."
As we watched, the television screen looked like blurs and flashes of color sailing across my eyes. After a while I could feel the blood pumping through his leg and hear his peaceful breathing.
My mom was awake in the kitchen eating our leftovers from the stove and when I walked in, she routinely reached up into the cupboard in the corner to open a small compartment behind the peanut butter and bread. Behind the flap was an unmarked medicine bottle with little green pills, which I swallowed with a glass of water. Then bottle and glass were returned, not a trace was left.
"137 left," my mother commented briefly as I started to leave.
"Please don't tell me." I paused before stepping through the archway, "Tell me when I have a week." After another pause I asked about my sister.
"She's on a road trip with her friends to Florida."
I nodded silently and left her to her breakfast; she would be gonein less than twenty minutes to visit her new boyfriend. Her excuse was work but I know that more than half the time was spent with various boyfriends that changed with the seasons. They were never brought home, as she thought I didn't know about her escapades; though I've never been curious; I don't need a father and mom was enough for me.
Part VI: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-vi.html
He hesitated, "At first you were only a figure running away from me into a dark fog. You were the happiest person alive. You were getting farther and farther away, so I ran after you. I felt like without that person I could never be happy again. But after I would get close, in the moment I blinked, you would disappear and appear off in the distance. Then after what seemed like hours, I saw you fall and crumble to the ground, but you didn't utter a single groan or scream. At your side was the first time I saw your face; the rest of your body was distorted with limbs at odd angles."
He took a deep breath before starting again. "When I took you in my arms, I noticed that the emotion on your face was peaceful without a single ounce of pain. I began to yell for help in small hope that there was someone with us in that strange darkness. Nobody answered. Then I felt you getting cold in my arms. The flush in your cheeks slowly faded. And I woke up.
Now here you are, in my arms again, but this time alive and well."
"Wow." An ironic laugh escaped my mouth. "My death."
"But I'll never let that happen."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I guess I can't. But I can be sure that without you, my chances at happiness would be slim to none.
Like it was before."
"I'm glad you found me."
As we watched, the television screen looked like blurs and flashes of color sailing across my eyes. After a while I could feel the blood pumping through his leg and hear his peaceful breathing.
My mom was awake in the kitchen eating our leftovers from the stove and when I walked in, she routinely reached up into the cupboard in the corner to open a small compartment behind the peanut butter and bread. Behind the flap was an unmarked medicine bottle with little green pills, which I swallowed with a glass of water. Then bottle and glass were returned, not a trace was left.
"137 left," my mother commented briefly as I started to leave.
"Please don't tell me." I paused before stepping through the archway, "Tell me when I have a week." After another pause I asked about my sister.
"She's on a road trip with her friends to Florida."
I nodded silently and left her to her breakfast; she would be gonein less than twenty minutes to visit her new boyfriend. Her excuse was work but I know that more than half the time was spent with various boyfriends that changed with the seasons. They were never brought home, as she thought I didn't know about her escapades; though I've never been curious; I don't need a father and mom was enough for me.
Part VI: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-vi.html
May 4, 2012
A Dream (IV)
(Part 3: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-iii.html)
A whispered conversation floats through the air, two voices plotting right in front of me.
"Do you have her?"
"Yes."
"Good, now everything is in place."
"I'll be with you tomorrow."
"No. I don't need you here; you're doing perfect where you are."
There was a soft sigh.
"You should be proud, this is bringing us closer to her."
"Of course."
"You sound reluctant. Don't you want to find her?"
The other voice replied with an uncharacteristic outburst of anger, "And how is killing going to do that? I'm always doing these things for you, but how much closer are we to her? I can't even remember anymore! Every memory has been masked with crimson pools of blood." The last sentance was a decrescendo to a quieter tone. "Are you happy now? With what I've become?"
"This all had to be done, you know that. Everything has a purpose, trust me on this."
A blurry figure came into focus. He had deep blue eyes and a breathtaking face with a mouth whose shape I've felt before. Troy.
"Really?" I replied after recalling the troubling dream I had imagined in Rachel's classroom the day before. Only now did I remember the details. "What was it about?"
Part V: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-v.html
A whispered conversation floats through the air, two voices plotting right in front of me.
"Do you have her?"
"Yes."
"Good, now everything is in place."
"I'll be with you tomorrow."
"No. I don't need you here; you're doing perfect where you are."
There was a soft sigh.
"You should be proud, this is bringing us closer to her."
"Of course."
"You sound reluctant. Don't you want to find her?"
The other voice replied with an uncharacteristic outburst of anger, "And how is killing going to do that? I'm always doing these things for you, but how much closer are we to her? I can't even remember anymore! Every memory has been masked with crimson pools of blood." The last sentance was a decrescendo to a quieter tone. "Are you happy now? With what I've become?"
"This all had to be done, you know that. Everything has a purpose, trust me on this."
A blurry figure came into focus. He had deep blue eyes and a breathtaking face with a mouth whose shape I've felt before. Troy.
"Really?" I replied after recalling the troubling dream I had imagined in Rachel's classroom the day before. Only now did I remember the details. "What was it about?"
Part V: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-v.html
May 3, 2012
Dancing With Another
Muslin draped from the center of the dark ceiling to wrought iron pillars similarly wrapped in ivory fabric and lit with twinkling lights from the inside. A tent-like shape covered the middle of the dance floor and stray tendrils extended across the rest of the gym. At the center was a sparkling silver chandelier glinting in the low lighting. Off to the side was a slightly raised table with sleek equipment sitting in plain sight; there the DJ's heartily encouraged the crowd and played songs for us to dance to. I'm standing next to my date with hair tousled from perfection by free-spirited dancing and quick movements. On the ground next to me are bobby pins shed from my hair and bent from use. Caroline bent down to pick one up, but gave up when pins continued to fall out--I could only smile at her amiable thoughts of me.
"C'mon boys and girls, it's time to salsa!" invited the DJ as Latin rhythms began to weave themselves among the occupants of the floor. Caroline's skilled date leads her away to dance, while I stay standing by my date, but Jacob can't dance more than swing. "Can I steal your date awa from you for a dance?" continued the boy across from me, leaning towards Jacob.
"Sure."
James offers a hand and we step away from him and Mekinzee to the middle of the floor. He begins to move and I stuggle to follow along, pathetically glancing down at my feet ot catch the rhythm of his steps. After many measures of fighting to match steps, "Let's freestyle," he says and twirls me around his body and I start to settle into a niche of seamless phrases. An extensive pirouette grabs me into the music and landing back into Ethan's arms brought our faces close. My heart beats along with the melody. Hot breaths whisper against my cheek and I wonder if he can feel mine. Three steps to the right and we circle tightly, allowing me to sight our curious crowd of Mekinzee and Jacob. There's sweat pressed against my long dress and warmth pumps through my hands and fingertips. He guides me with whispered instructions and skillful hands taking me along with his body.
I ride on his hip into my imagination where dreams unfold and live to come true. Slowly everyone around us fades away, even the love standing by the pillar watching me with awe. Ethan's face is indecipherable and I wish I knew what he was thinking and if having me in his arms me him as happy as having him in mine. "You're really good," he tells me as the notes come to an end.
Excitedly anxious comes my date out of the corner to congratulate Ethan when we separate. "That was awesome! You gotta teach me how to do that!" He wishes he could that for me.
"C'mon boys and girls, it's time to salsa!" invited the DJ as Latin rhythms began to weave themselves among the occupants of the floor. Caroline's skilled date leads her away to dance, while I stay standing by my date, but Jacob can't dance more than swing. "Can I steal your date awa from you for a dance?" continued the boy across from me, leaning towards Jacob.
"Sure."
James offers a hand and we step away from him and Mekinzee to the middle of the floor. He begins to move and I stuggle to follow along, pathetically glancing down at my feet ot catch the rhythm of his steps. After many measures of fighting to match steps, "Let's freestyle," he says and twirls me around his body and I start to settle into a niche of seamless phrases. An extensive pirouette grabs me into the music and landing back into Ethan's arms brought our faces close. My heart beats along with the melody. Hot breaths whisper against my cheek and I wonder if he can feel mine. Three steps to the right and we circle tightly, allowing me to sight our curious crowd of Mekinzee and Jacob. There's sweat pressed against my long dress and warmth pumps through my hands and fingertips. He guides me with whispered instructions and skillful hands taking me along with his body.
I ride on his hip into my imagination where dreams unfold and live to come true. Slowly everyone around us fades away, even the love standing by the pillar watching me with awe. Ethan's face is indecipherable and I wish I knew what he was thinking and if having me in his arms me him as happy as having him in mine. "You're really good," he tells me as the notes come to an end.
Excitedly anxious comes my date out of the corner to congratulate Ethan when we separate. "That was awesome! You gotta teach me how to do that!" He wishes he could that for me.
A Dream (III)
(Part 2: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-ii.html)
Troy awoke me again with a hand on my side, guiding me into the seat of my chair. A plate of scrambled eggs and sliced fruit sitting in front of me and I could feel the steam drifting to my skin and lifting my tired eyes. Across the table he sat watching me as I ate. In between bites I smiled up at him, and asked, "Why aren't you eating with me?"
"I ate while you drifting in and out of consciousness." He smiled to himself at the remembered memory of my draped body over this table.
"You like watching me eat, don't you?"
"Yes," he said without any contemplation, like it was a part of common sense. "I love you."
I stopped chewing. Then swallowed. Across the length of the table blue and brown eyes met. "I love you," I said slowly making sure each word came out of my mouth with conviction. I couldn't eat anymore, or else I might just explode, because at that moment my heart filled my chest and stomach and fingers and every part of my body. I stretched my hand across the length of that table.
My plates clanged noisily as I climbed across the table to get to him. Inches away from him, Troy grabbed the back of my neck to pull me towards him faster. This kiss was unlike the first one, hungry and passionate. I could taste the ocean on his lips and fruit on his tongue. We crashed to the floor when he inched me off the table with each kiss. The chair flipped backward and I ended up sprawled across his chest.
There were broken plates across the room and I woke up to the reality of the situation; my mother was still sleeping only a few walls away. Troy's face reflected my realization and I shifted off his chest to let him up. Together we picked up the pieces and swept the wood floor. Then Troy turned on the TV to disguise the noise of crashing just previously.
We sat on the white couch in the sitting room and he took my head in his lap, so I could lie down while gazing. I could feel his every shift and breath against my cheek. His jeans also smelled like sea salt and the fabric felt soft from the friction of sand. He laughed and his body shook under my face. "I can feel it when you smile."
"I can feel you breath," I spoke back sentimentally.
Troy brushed back my hair and told me, "I saw you before in a dream."
Part IV: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-iv.html
Troy awoke me again with a hand on my side, guiding me into the seat of my chair. A plate of scrambled eggs and sliced fruit sitting in front of me and I could feel the steam drifting to my skin and lifting my tired eyes. Across the table he sat watching me as I ate. In between bites I smiled up at him, and asked, "Why aren't you eating with me?"
"I ate while you drifting in and out of consciousness." He smiled to himself at the remembered memory of my draped body over this table.
"You like watching me eat, don't you?"
"Yes," he said without any contemplation, like it was a part of common sense. "I love you."
I stopped chewing. Then swallowed. Across the length of the table blue and brown eyes met. "I love you," I said slowly making sure each word came out of my mouth with conviction. I couldn't eat anymore, or else I might just explode, because at that moment my heart filled my chest and stomach and fingers and every part of my body. I stretched my hand across the length of that table.
My plates clanged noisily as I climbed across the table to get to him. Inches away from him, Troy grabbed the back of my neck to pull me towards him faster. This kiss was unlike the first one, hungry and passionate. I could taste the ocean on his lips and fruit on his tongue. We crashed to the floor when he inched me off the table with each kiss. The chair flipped backward and I ended up sprawled across his chest.
There were broken plates across the room and I woke up to the reality of the situation; my mother was still sleeping only a few walls away. Troy's face reflected my realization and I shifted off his chest to let him up. Together we picked up the pieces and swept the wood floor. Then Troy turned on the TV to disguise the noise of crashing just previously.
We sat on the white couch in the sitting room and he took my head in his lap, so I could lie down while gazing. I could feel his every shift and breath against my cheek. His jeans also smelled like sea salt and the fabric felt soft from the friction of sand. He laughed and his body shook under my face. "I can feel it when you smile."
"I can feel you breath," I spoke back sentimentally.
Troy brushed back my hair and told me, "I saw you before in a dream."
Part IV: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-iv.html
May 2, 2012
Jacob and Ben
"It doesn't matter since you don't like him, right?" I was silent. "Right?"
"I never said I didn't like him."
"Wow, I don't understand girls at all!"
Jacob had just taken Ben's spot while he was getting me a fork and he didn't budge when he came back. Intimidated by my terrible best friend, Ben left to go to choir practice, instead of being late to spend time with me.
Now Jacob was worried. And Caroline was worried too. Jacob told me awful truths about him. I didn't dare listen, because I didn't see those things when he looked at me and he deserved my ignorance of past mistakes--until the right time to be told. Still, his stories haunted the back of my mind, no matter how I tried to forget them.
Thursday was then Friday. Goodbyes were imminent. Ben was charming, but the pain of losing my best friend to Utah was too strong to think too deeply about him. My last dance with Ben was pleasant, his last words, "I wish that song never ended."
I answered with a distracted, "Me too," because Jacob was walking towards me with a somber look on his face. This would be the last time we'd ever dance together.
I could feel the goodbye in his arms. After a short conversation, silence hung between us. That silence pinpointed my thoughts to his move and I could feel my throat thicken with sadness. I'm pretty sure that you probably couldn't fit a Book of Mormon between us, but I didn't dare let him any further from me, nor him let me from he. As we danced, I looked at the couples dancing around us and thought how happy they must be, dancing with a guy/girl they really like. However, here I was in the middle of them all, my heart breaking. Then I had to break the heavy silence, or I was going to spill tears. "What are you thinking?"
He still didn't say a word, but crushed me into a hug and spun me around. When he put me down, he kept me in his arms until he whispered, "Counselors..."
Soon the music stopped and he spun me out. Quickly I slipped out of his grip and walked over to our group of friends. My sister was the first one I saw, but she hates when I cry, so I turned to Annabella. I just hugged her tight and began to cry. Jacob paused before coming over, composing his emotions, as to not mirror my sorrow.
"Are you sad because Jacob's moving?" Annabella asked.
I nodded and turned to see Jacob with his arms open. I shifted to his side while tears continued to fall. Wylie started to sing a silly song and I loosened as she continued and laughed in short bursts of sound. I never wanted to let him go.
"I never said I didn't like him."
"Wow, I don't understand girls at all!"
Jacob had just taken Ben's spot while he was getting me a fork and he didn't budge when he came back. Intimidated by my terrible best friend, Ben left to go to choir practice, instead of being late to spend time with me.
Now Jacob was worried. And Caroline was worried too. Jacob told me awful truths about him. I didn't dare listen, because I didn't see those things when he looked at me and he deserved my ignorance of past mistakes--until the right time to be told. Still, his stories haunted the back of my mind, no matter how I tried to forget them.
Thursday was then Friday. Goodbyes were imminent. Ben was charming, but the pain of losing my best friend to Utah was too strong to think too deeply about him. My last dance with Ben was pleasant, his last words, "I wish that song never ended."
I answered with a distracted, "Me too," because Jacob was walking towards me with a somber look on his face. This would be the last time we'd ever dance together.
I could feel the goodbye in his arms. After a short conversation, silence hung between us. That silence pinpointed my thoughts to his move and I could feel my throat thicken with sadness. I'm pretty sure that you probably couldn't fit a Book of Mormon between us, but I didn't dare let him any further from me, nor him let me from he. As we danced, I looked at the couples dancing around us and thought how happy they must be, dancing with a guy/girl they really like. However, here I was in the middle of them all, my heart breaking. Then I had to break the heavy silence, or I was going to spill tears. "What are you thinking?"
He still didn't say a word, but crushed me into a hug and spun me around. When he put me down, he kept me in his arms until he whispered, "Counselors..."
Soon the music stopped and he spun me out. Quickly I slipped out of his grip and walked over to our group of friends. My sister was the first one I saw, but she hates when I cry, so I turned to Annabella. I just hugged her tight and began to cry. Jacob paused before coming over, composing his emotions, as to not mirror my sorrow.
"Are you sad because Jacob's moving?" Annabella asked.
I nodded and turned to see Jacob with his arms open. I shifted to his side while tears continued to fall. Wylie started to sing a silly song and I loosened as she continued and laughed in short bursts of sound. I never wanted to let him go.
A Dream (II)
(Part 1: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-i.html)
Troy took me home and I asked if he would stay, but he declined and told me he'd be back later. That night I couldn't sleep at all and fought against the thick tangle of blankets while the moon peeked through the blinds. I would grasp at the area beside me in hope of soothing company, but I only found slick sheets.
At the first hint of golden rays, I throw off the covers and surrender the night's battle. Avoiding the mirror, I washed my face without looking up from the sink and neatened the stray hairs alluding to my restless night. Brushing my teeth, I wondered if there were toothpaste flavors other than mint and bubblegum.
The doorbell rang and I ran down the winding stairs before my mother could bother to get up. "I got it!" I yelled in a loud whisper down the hall to her room. Through the glass I saw his blurred figure; he was wearing a puce shirt and grey jeans. He stood on the threshold, contently looking at me, then around the white opening hallway. I stood in the door, breathing in the cool morning air and glancing at my glistening yard, only the moments his eyes didn't captivate mine. He shifted his expression to one with a resolution, and then scooped me up in his arms, without one stray toe set on the tile past the door frame. His thoughtful gesture made me laugh and he kissed my nose while I asked, "Does that mean you're moving in? Or does it mean something else since we're not married?"
He grinned silently at my questions and started to wander around the house. When I buried my face into his chest, I could smell sea salt in the cotton of his shirt and his skin was slightly rough. When I kissed his arm, I could taste the salt and sand on my mouth. Then I noticed little shadows under his eyes. "Have you had breakfast?" he asked when he found his way to the kitchen.
I shook my head and he set me down horizontally on the cool glass of the kitchen table. There my hair gradually slid off the edge of the glass and hung in soft tendrils while he went to the stove and started breakfast. My eyes drooped while he cooked and black blurred the edges of my vision, carrying me off to sleep for a minute to then carefully bring me back nodding into reality.
Part III: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-iii.html
Troy took me home and I asked if he would stay, but he declined and told me he'd be back later. That night I couldn't sleep at all and fought against the thick tangle of blankets while the moon peeked through the blinds. I would grasp at the area beside me in hope of soothing company, but I only found slick sheets.
At the first hint of golden rays, I throw off the covers and surrender the night's battle. Avoiding the mirror, I washed my face without looking up from the sink and neatened the stray hairs alluding to my restless night. Brushing my teeth, I wondered if there were toothpaste flavors other than mint and bubblegum.
The doorbell rang and I ran down the winding stairs before my mother could bother to get up. "I got it!" I yelled in a loud whisper down the hall to her room. Through the glass I saw his blurred figure; he was wearing a puce shirt and grey jeans. He stood on the threshold, contently looking at me, then around the white opening hallway. I stood in the door, breathing in the cool morning air and glancing at my glistening yard, only the moments his eyes didn't captivate mine. He shifted his expression to one with a resolution, and then scooped me up in his arms, without one stray toe set on the tile past the door frame. His thoughtful gesture made me laugh and he kissed my nose while I asked, "Does that mean you're moving in? Or does it mean something else since we're not married?"
He grinned silently at my questions and started to wander around the house. When I buried my face into his chest, I could smell sea salt in the cotton of his shirt and his skin was slightly rough. When I kissed his arm, I could taste the salt and sand on my mouth. Then I noticed little shadows under his eyes. "Have you had breakfast?" he asked when he found his way to the kitchen.
I shook my head and he set me down horizontally on the cool glass of the kitchen table. There my hair gradually slid off the edge of the glass and hung in soft tendrils while he went to the stove and started breakfast. My eyes drooped while he cooked and black blurred the edges of my vision, carrying me off to sleep for a minute to then carefully bring me back nodding into reality.
Part III: http://life-passion-love.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-iii.html
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)