Thoughts Clandestine

Flashes of luminescent reds and yellows cross my vision when I walk under the gate opening to a modest layout of rides and booths. Laughing and screaming overwhelm my ears as I weave through the budding crowds; their faces are strangers' part of a clique I've been uninvited to, but I don't care and keep walking. I reach a short gravel path leading away from the throngs of people and I look for a familiar face. Nonchalantly I turn in a circle and I feel as if he's watching, but I don't glimpse his face. A few yards away, I come to a palm reading booth, where a man cradles my hand and traces along creases patterned across my palm. While he tells the tales of my future I stare blankly past him and wait. Lines blur as I walk away from the man who told of my destiny, and then I'm caught on my waist by a boy; "There you are."
He takes me to a jeep and carries me up to his leather passenger seat. The starting engine reminds me of blustering winds in the mountains, but the ride is like the perfect silence at the top. Out the window black sky blurs into the landscape of the trees and brush on the side of the road. In the shaded car, I look to my left to see his recondite blue eyes admiring me as he sat silent and still. Then he grabbed my waist and I end up facing him on his lap, yet the car still continues down the road. Jack presses me against his skin and I feel his thighs and hips and heaving chest; softly he leaves a tender kiss on my untaught lips. For an instant I look into his eyes and all the mystery is gone and we just sit there forehead to forehead, all words left unspoken. I'm shifted off his legs and back onto my seat where I remain silent still. Out of the corner of my eye I see the glimmer of his dark blues reading my face and figure, but I turn farther away as he continues to gaze; he shouldn't have kissed me. A small exhale escapes into the hushed air.
The town home looms over the hood of the car as we drive up. It's beautiful. I live here with him and Jessica, a three bedroom with two bathrooms. Without waiting for him get to my side and let me out, I stalk to the house with a straight gaze despite the resonant slamming door behind me. Up the stairs I enter my room, right across from Jessica's.
In the morning my alarm goes off twice and I wait twenty minutes after the last in hopes of extra sleep. Jessica pounds on my door and I grumble her name as I throw off comforters and reach for the light. In the mirror I gasp at untamed strands sticking in every direction; I didn't sleep well and nightmares hid in the shadows under my eyes. "Jessica! Do you have any extra eye cream? I didn't get in until late last night."
"Sure." She walks in with a small jar of what I call miracle whip and make a note to myself to buy some more on the way back home. "Wow, you don't look too hot. When did you get back last night?"
"Three? Maybe. Something like that."
"Well, I hope you don't fall asleep during classes. You know what? I'll make you some tea; that will make you feel better."
"Thanks Jess." I felt terrible inside. While she was trying to take care of me, I was sitting there in front of her with a stolen kiss stained on my lips. Hurriedly, I layered on soft, pink lipstick after she left.
45 mintues later Jessica yells, "C'mon Catherine!" as I hear her heels click in the hallway and down the stairs. Thank goodness I was able to conquer her hair in time, so I only had to grab my things and throw on accessories on the way down. Breakfast of white jasmine tea and croissants was silent. i wondered if Jessica could sense the secret hanging in the air. I rode shotgun again.
Outside, in the school parking lot Jack retrieves three glasses from underneath the back seat along with a bottle of Merlot. He pours my glass first, but I pass it quickly on to Jessica. Together we toast to the first day of school and we all drink deeply; hopefully this will get me through the day.
Arm in arm, Jessica and I escape through the front glass doors and behind us I hear the pretexts Jack feeds the men in black suits for the Merlot. Jessica glances back, but I don't let curiosity turn my head. During all my classes, his stealthy kiss floats around my mind like a mist over the blue waters of the sea that doesn't life no matter how far the tide withdraws into deeper waters. My lips savor his softness and I wonder at his quickness and strange timing. I reminisce about the heat under his skin and his lingering hands. Muses of another kiss creep into the memories and my heart quickens with curiosity. Jessica passes me in the hallway and I'm reminded of reality; "Jack is in jail until tomorrow night." Green eyes of sadness are cast down as she walks down the hallway to her next class. I couldn't let her mope along, so I crap my arm around her shoulders and guide her along.
Jessica and I grace the start of another day with Gewurztraminer sipped from the same glasses from the day before; our romantic tradition for the first two days of school. Tousled blonde hair frames Jessica's face this morning where perfect spirals regularly sweep across her cheekbones; she had tossed and turned all night, I could her through the wall. Men in black confront our drinking, but we evade their accusation with a switch of white grape juice for their chemical test. After stashing our glasses back under the seat, we head to class late with an apology note from the police. We giggle when we enter the hallway staggering against each other, out of earshot of our accusers, proud of or little feat. Still, I can tell that Jessica's laugh is a tough insincere; we both knew that Jack would be pleased.
Arriving at the deserted carnival grounds feel like deja vu, waiting for Jack to be returned to us. Two uniformed men were posted around a solitary room at the far end from the entrance. A drop of blood seeped from Jessica's lip from biting so long and hard, she didn't dare cry in front of these creatures. We stood side by side, waiting for the jailer to turn the key. Jack staggered out the door and as we walk away he wears a mischievous grin on his disheveled face. Jack tosses the keys to Jessica ahead of us and when she turns left at the carousel, I see his blue eyes. It only took two steps to crash against his skin and to press my mouth around his bottom lip. Rough lips return my passion and his sturdy hands trace my exposed spine. After a single kiss, a hand still embraces my back, but he keeps his face apart from mine; I want another, but he just searches my eyes. He then stoops his ear to my chest and my heart beats harder if it wants to escape to him. His cheek shifts and I feel his smile on my skin. "Do you love me?"
I open my mouth to form words but none come out and he leads my ear to his chest. He strokes my hair as I listen to the beats in sync with mine. Warmth exuded from his body despite his night in the cold and I felt it seep into my skin and fill me up.